Ruory Kirkby believes genuine connection is something a lot of young men currently lack.
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After 15 years of working in the youth mental health sector, Ruory Kirkby is bringing his new workshop, aimed at building genuine connection between sons and their fathers or mentors, to the town where he grew up.
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After identifying a need for community-based services tailored to the needs of those struggling to stay engaged with school, Mr Kirkby founded The Rollie Project.
Since its inception three years ago, it has transitioned into a service offering workshops for young men aged 16 to 18 and their fathers or mentors.
Courage Beyond the Paint, Mr Kirkby’s latest workshop, is a three-hour session that he said aimed to create a space for understanding, strengthening trust and building relationships.
“I feel that with our fathers and our men and our boys, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Mr Kirkby said.
“We have a general societal conditioning where we feel like we have to carry it all alone.
“We feel like we’re the only ones going through something, and we’ve been conditioned to repress it and stuff it all down.
“It’s not helping us, it’s not helping our men, and it’s not helping our boys.”
Mr Kirkby wants fathers, male guardians and their sons to be able to see each other for who they really are and the value they bring to the world, not just the things they’ve achieved.
“Boys have this underlying thing where they (often) don’t feel like they can be safe around other men and be themselves,” he said.
“They have to filter themselves to feel like they belong in a group.
“I think there’s such power in getting all our men and boys under one roof, doing the work together, and really acknowledging them for who they are.”
Courage Beyond the Paint is inspired by Roury Kirkby’s experiences working in the youth mental health sector and other projects centred on connection.
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For many men, talking about their problems can be a scary prospect, something Mr Kirkby is well aware of.
Statistics from Beyond Blue show that only 37 per cent of men and boys reach out for support when they need it.
“That’s why I call (the workshop) Courage Beyond the Paint,” he said.
“It takes courage to have that feeling of anxiousness and nervousness, and actually step towards that fear.”
The workshop is heavily influenced by Mr Kirkby’s experiences growing up in Echuca, drawing inspirations from other projects focused on connection such as men’s sheds.
“I think the further you go out into regional and rural areas, the less opportunity you have to connect with other men,” he said.
“Opportunities like this in rural and country Victoria and Australia are really important because what a boy sees, he becomes.”
Mr Kirkby knows the workshops aren’t a silver bullet, creating them instead to encourage gradual behavioural change.
“It’s not the big moments that matter,” he said.
“It’s the really small consistent moments that our boys fall back on.
“(They’ll) remember not necessarily what you say, but how you make them feel.
“I want to start creating a new culture where strength and softness live in the same sentence, and it’s okay to be you.”
Courage Beyond the Paint will be held at Morrisons Winery, 123 Merool Rd, Moama on Sunday, August 16 from 4pm to 7pm.
