All Stars win without Ace

June 30, 2017

Individual winners (left to right) Colin McBean, David Hall, Kelly Christensen.

Squash June 28

In front of one the biggest crowds seen since the last final, All Stars began the night by dropping a huge bombshell.

Club legend Noel ‘‘The Ace’’ Pearson was a late omission for All Stars.

Team spokesperson David Hall was coy when questioned about the omission.

‘‘This decision had not been made lightly,’’ Hall said

‘‘The Ace is unavailable and that’s all I am going to say.

‘‘This is not a disciplinary matter, his body just isn’t what it used to be. This is a decision in the best interests of the team.’’

All Stars secured the services of Colin ‘‘The Headband’’ McBean and he didn’t disappoint.

He dismantled the game of Tim ‘‘The Plumber’s Crack’’ Crump.

With an easy 3-0 victory, The Headband started the night perfectly for All Stars.

David ‘‘The Lord of the Rings’’ Hall was on fire against Helen ‘‘The Greek Goddess’’ Flint, winning the first game 15-10.

The Goddess dug deep and with her merchandise available for sale at the courts she knew she had to win to increase sales of her new line of stubby holders.

She did just that, winning the next three games to secure the rubber and give Crumpets a chance.

The final was set up for a thrilling showdown.

Tied on one rubber apiece, All Stars entered the final game holding a slender eight-point advantage.

Kelly ‘‘Lady Gaga’’ began brilliantly for Crumpets and won the first game.

Sally ‘‘The Queen of the North-East’’ Littlewood responded to take the second.

Every point was a battle and the final came down to the last game of the last match.

Lady Gaga was annoyed by the crowd noise and she made her feelings known but settled to win the final game — but it was not enough to win the final.

The Queen had won just enough points to give the title to the All Stars by the slender margin of three points.

The highly prestigious ‘‘Best Individual Winner’’ saw Colin McBean take out his second number one seed title.

The Headband had a very consistent season to knock off The Ace.

Hall was the top number two seed and let everyone know about it.

Kelly Christensen had a solid season and was crowned the best number three.

Keep calling your lets, – The Boaster

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